February 2022 : LOST

In the morning at 08.00 AM JST my cell phone rang with a video call from my cousin. I was still half awake and ignored it.

Then it rings again with a WhatsApp message in it

"simbah meninggal "

This short message made me who was still half conscious made me shattered. Destroyed for not being able to take it off directly.

My grandmother who I called Simbah.

Simbah has the deepest memories of my life.

She became the best grandmother when my mother passed away when I’m 4 yo. As a child, I was always involved in all of her activities. The beautiful memories with her in my life are enough to make me very heartbroken. Even opening social media makes me very anxiety and sore. I will tell you a little about my Simbah, while my memory is strong, I will write it here.

As a child, Simbah was a seller in traditional markets. Well... we did live at that time very simply. My Grandma is a person who can't stay still, there must be activities that according to her like "sports". Ride an "onthel" type of traditional old bicycle with a basket filled with spices. Sometimes when I'm on school holiday, Simbah let me join in her market. Enjoying the market atmosphere and trying to make a sound selling Simbah's merchandise “Monggo Mononggo Bu pinarak ( come come here in )”. Many of Simbah's friends at that time offered me snacks, which were my spark joy at that time. Some even invited me to eat bakso for free. Then the unforgettable memories of the market, namely the dharmawisata market. I was the only grandchild that the market members invited at that time. Even though it was only for a day, Simbah very enthusiastic about traveling. My memory is a bit hazy about this, but what I remember most is when we got on the bus and while in transit at the gas station. Like the movie in Korea Love Cha Cha Cha, these grannies ask for transit to pee hihi...

Simbah is a woman who never forgets worship. Every day in worships time, she always makes time for worship. In addition, Simbah also adheres to a strong Kejawen system. I don't really understand anything but one of them honors our ancestors by going to a banquet flower once every week. My Simbah's instincts are like teaching me when I lived in Japan, which has almost the same culture. Respect the ancestors.

Simbah really loves each of her grandchildren. One message that I remember from Simbah "every time I always pray to God that my grandchildren will be successful, protected by God Almighty," this prayer brings every grandchild according to her expectations.

I did not expect, the year passed so quickly and made her body become old. I always believe my Simbah will live a long life! Her zest for life is very high!

3 years, maybe Simbah is not strong enough to wait for me to come home, now wait for me there in heaven  and pick me up when the time is right... OK

This pandemic has trapped me here. I can't be selfish because of my ego. It's a pain that can't be described in words, but this heartbreak seems endless. Only the smartphone screen brought Simbah ceremony. It was raining, a sign of deep sorrow for the loss of a beautiful figure who always took care of the universe.

She is my biggest reason to come home. Simbah who loves me with all her heart and whole body. Simbah who understands all my feelings, my situation and understands me. Calm me when broken and strengthen me with her hopes and prayers.

Even as I'm typing this, I still can't believe that my grandmother is gone. I always play videos that have Simbah's message that things are fine there. While smiling and telling me that "look, I'm okay, I can stand, I'm taking a walk (while walking around the room)" 

I miss you Simbah....

Have fun in Heaven...

Have a nice gathering with Grandpa, Ibu and others family...

I will fight and pray for you...

Sayang Simbah selama-lamanya



YR ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა

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